Lost in your memories



It was all so set in my mind. I had rehearsed this ‘The-moment’ for some 1000 times a day. I had it all clear. When I met you I would come to you, little nervous as I get always every time I think of you, and offer you a handshake with a little tensed smile on my face and lots of admiration in my eyes. You would also shake my hand and ask me a very natural question
“Hi.. How do I know you??”
I would say in a little trembling voice,
“Hi.. you don’t know me.. but.. I know everything about you.. Every damn thing”
You would still have so much of questions in your mind and I would read them in my mind. I would realize that you are in-need of clarification, so I would say
“Well, It’s a long story. Please let me explain over a cup of coffee??”
and you would say
“Ok”

From there after I didn’t know, If you would believe what I told you, or I didn’t know how I would convince you.. But all I needed is to speak to you. Speak to you once and let you know what was happening with me. But, I didn’t know that I would meet you like this…

I knew that you will come to this music concert. I knew every thought that would cross your mind. My mind was like your mind. I mean, a part of my mind had become your mind. I was able to know every thought you thought. Every move you want to make. I knew what was running in your mind when your boss called you for a meeting or when you saw a beautiful girl on the road, or when you had confusions regarding what to eat, what to buy, what to do on a week end. I knew exactly how you felt for your friends, your parents, your ex.. you still loved her.. I knew how you felt when you got any news from her. Well.. for me it was like my own mind. I knew your past. I had all the memories that you have. The memories of your first kiss, your sister’s first birthday gift, the memories of your basketball games, your college days.. everything. You had become a part of me. You were there in my mind all the time. It was as if I were you. I had lived inside your body.

I didn’t believe in déjà vu or anything like that. I was a true believer in myself. I never even gave a thought to consider the thought of the existence, non-existence of God, the yes-No of rebirths etc. And déjà vu.. ah!!! Had never even heard of it. And then suddenly I started experiencing some unknown thoughts. Thoughts that are not mine. Memories of incidents that I never experienced. It had all started after my accident. I had one of the very common blood groups O+ve. But the blood bank didn’t have O+ve, none of my friends were of O+ve blood group.. they all thought I ll die if I was not filled with blood immediately. I was there, all unconscious not knowing what was happening around. And then I felt something.. I felt something flowing inside me.. something very wet. I felt light.. I felt as if I was flying.. to where.. I don’t know.. I didnt care.My eyes were still closed.. but what I saw was something that was so beautiful than any other thing I saw with my open eyes.. so green, so wet.. it was raining.. I was in a forest.. around me there were so many trees, plants so beautiful flowers, the sound of that rain.. I felt I was in heaven in its rainy season. I saw a big bungalow.. It was one of those forest cottages.. all alone in the deep forests.. It was beautiful.. I went inside.. and then.. I saw you.. you stood there smiling, waiting for me to hold your hands and pull you out to get wet… we were getting wet.. I could smell you.. your body had a typical fragrance.. one of its own.. And then… I heard myself breathing heavy breaths.. I was alive.

After this blood donation of yours I started feeling you in me. I saw your thoughts very clearly like I saw mine.Evn though we didn’t know each other, I had come to know all your friends,relatives.. everyone you have met and have memories of… I could see you remembering your best friends when you missed them, I would feel nostalgic when you were. I knew you like You knew yourself. I saw you so many times in my mind. Soooo now and then. I had to concentrate on my own thoughts to know what I was thinking, but your thoughts would come to me as if they were my own. So easily accessible. I had gained your knowledge in books, music and basket ball. No..I was not a basket ball player, but I knew every detail of it as if I was the one in your body who had the ball in basket in your high school and college days.

I didn’t know where you lived. But I could see you walking around. The place didn’t look familiar to me. I had a curiosity to see you physically. I wanted to tell you what was happening to me. I even tried meeting you twice. I knew you attended a classical music concert every Saturday. I had it all planned to come and meet you. But there was a strange fear. I was scared for what if you didn’t believe me? What if you thought I was insane? What if you.. you just thought I was some desperate girl trying to get you?? Ah!! So many what ifs.. I was scared.

But then its been 2 months I have started seeing you romancing with me. I don’t know if they were your thoughts or mine. I would see you with a big bunch of red roses in hand, kneeling down and proposing me. I would see you and me on a long drive on a full moon. I saw you singing for me, playing guitar in a café with a smile.. me and you walking along the river. Well.. I think these are my own thoughts. I knew you so well that I was falling for you. I started loving you. It was not just the curiosity that made me desperate to meet you, it was also the beautiful person that you were, the ability in you to love someone so deep, the ‘YOU’ in you.. that was driving me crazy. I was surely falling for you. I had to meet you.

So there I was, rehearsing the scene of our meeting in my mind 1000 times a day, just to know that we were not supposed to meet the way I thought we would. I had seen you walking through the entrance. I was already in my seat. I was getting restless. I knew you wore black a T-shirt and Blue Jeans.. I saw that in your mind, you choosing the T- shirt. I knew exactly what you were thinking when you were riding your bike. You had an instinct.. as if something big is going to happen with you. I smiled to myself when I saw that thought of yours. When you entered, I saw you searching for a seat. Little did I know that you were seated just next to me!!!! I didn’t know what to say when you asked,
“Hi.. That’s my seat.. A-12”
Well… this was not how it was supposed to be. I didn’t get a word to speak. You were so near to me. I tried to read your mind… No.. Nothing.. Silence.. I tried again… Nothing again. I didn’t realize that I was starring at you and not speaking anything. I had come back to my mind when you asked again with that heavy voice of yours..
“Excuse me.. you ok?? This is my seat..which is yours??”
I was lost again. I was hearing your voice. Something that I had never known about you before. I didn’t even think how your voice would be.. I always listed your memories, thoughts in my voice. You had a very impressive voice, one of those that suits the RJs. Very clear, very heavy, very thick.. I was lost again. You said again, a little irritated this time..
“Excuse me…”
I came back from my own Riviera and said..
“Oh!! I m sorry.. I didn’t know.. My seat is A-11”
You smiled.
“That’s ok.. can you move please??”
“yeah sure” I said.
The music started. I tried to read your mind again to know what was it thinking. Did you think I was beautiful?? Did you think I was dumb?? I wanted know it all.. but.. I couldn’t read it. Hear it, see it.. as if there was some wall built between us. Now that I was so near to you.. should I tell you about the happenings of mine?? Would you believe?? What if you asked me to tell what is going on in your mind right now?? Why am I not able to hear to your thoughts?? I was getting irritated, restless, as if I have lost something and I am not able to remember where I have kept it. Ah!!! I tried hard, very hard to read your thoughts. I tried to remember your memories.. I failing everytime. What had happened?? I had to know the answers. I thought to myself,
“No, Not today.. I ll have to come back to him only after I got ansswers to my questions.”
I got up from my seat. Smiled at you. You smiled back. I started walking towards the exit…
What was it that was happening to me???
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P. S: Hi all.. actually I wanted to end the story right here... but somehow, I was not able to find a proper ending. I was too much influenced by Stepene Mayer, Cecilia Ahren, Nicholas sparks when I was writing this. well.. so just waiting to get over with that influence and write something 'very much mine'. Will surely come up with something to end this story.
Till then Bye..
See you all again.

2 comments:

Rajeev Upadhyay said...

As usual dramatic,eventful,perplexed and emotional.....great work.

maga said...

wow, i have no words!